7 Healing Affirmations For Survivors Of Narcissistic Abuse

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I found this article called  “7 Healing Affirmations For Victims Of Narcissistic Abuse”. Here are some of the key thoughts I gained from it but I recommend you read the whole article.

Remember that just because someone is a selfish jerk doesn’t mean he or she has a narcissist disorder. It’s not a good idea to go around labelling people. However, if you have been abused by a narcissist or you have been hurt by narcissistic behaviours, I hope this article assists you as you purse help, hope, and healing.

Becoming from of abuse is a journey and healing can take time. Repeating a series of affirmations out loud can aid in your recovery.

  • I am healing slowly, but surely, day by day, one step at a time.
  • I am putting the past well and truly behind me to focus on the present and future.
  • I am a loveable person who deserves the care, affection, and respect of others.
  • I know and trust my own mind.
  • I have firm boundaries and the strength to stick to them.
  • I have the full support of my friends and/or family.

 

How to Overcome Feeling Guilty — MakeItUltra™

Guilt is healthy but it’s meant to move us forward and grow. What happens if you get stuck? Check out this post from MakeItUltra.

Written by Eric C., MA., PhD Candidate (USA) Founder of: MakeItUltra™ Website: MakeItUltraPsychology.com “Every moment spent in unhappiness is a moment of happiness lost.” ~Leo Buscaglia 1. Recognize where the guilt is coming from Is there something you did or are still doing to contribute to your feelings of guilt? If so, what steps are you taking to […]

via How to Overcome Feeling Guilty — MakeItUltra™

For Sale Cheap

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When I was a child, our family regularly travelled to “the big city” to visit relatives. The signal to me that we were nearing the city (are we there yet??) was a large grain elevator right beside the highway on the outskirts of the city. What’s a grain elevator?  They used to look like this:

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On the side of the grain elevator, in huge letters, was written Mark 8:36:

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Now I didn’t grow up with any kind of faith practice. I had never read the Bible or even  attended a church. Even so, Mark 8:36 really impacted me and I would think on it often, both when we drove by it and throughout the year.

Now the word soul here doesn’t mean a disembodied ghostly thing that exists beyond your body – what some call an immortal soul. That whole concept is foreign to the Bible. Soul is an old timey way of talking about ourselves – our personhood or being. Even though I had no clue about that as a young person, that’s how I internalized the message: who I am is worth more than the whole world so don’t sell out; don’t compromise the truth of who I am for short term or even large gain. You could say, it’s one of my core values.
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But I have to confess, I have sometimes sold out. Seeking for love and belonging in places that never satisfied, holding back from fear, overcome by doubt… I have tried to gain “the world.” This isn’t a woe is me, wallowing in regret kind of post. I’m just being honest. I am happy to report that over time, as I have grown more into myself, I sell out less and less.

Have you ever sold out? Have you ever attempted to gain the world – whatever that means to you – only discover you were losing yourself in the process? How did you correct your course? Have you found yourself selling out less? What’s made the difference in your life?

Diversion Tactic – Triangulation

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Lately, I’ve been discovering common behaviours of Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths. Keep in mind that those are personality disorders and it’s not a good idea to go around labelling people just because they’re jerks. While I’ve been learning, I found an article by  Shahida Arabi at http://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/. Shahida the author of the book She Who Destroys the Light: Fairy Tales Gone Wrong.

I want to highlight a few of the tactics Shadida Arabi includes in her article. Please read the whole article so you can get the full picture.

Toxic people tend to use diversion tactics to escape accountability for their actions and silence you, the target of their abuse. If this is happening to you, I hope you are able to get help and establish healthy boundaries so you may experience hope and healing.

Triangulation

Triangulation is a tactic toxic people use to involve another person to validate their actions while invalidating the victim’s reactions to abuse. Anyone can be use to create triangulation: strangers, co-workers, ex-partners, friends and even family members.

“Reverse “triangulate” the narcissist by gaining support from a third party that is not under the narcissist’s influence – and also by seeking your own validation.”

 

5 Things People with Anxiety Wish You Knew — MakeItUltra

Written by Guest Contributor: Myka S. (USA) Founder of: Thoughts of an Anxious Mind There are so many times we want to tell you why our heart is pounding, why our thoughts are racing, why we’re biting our nails and twisting our hair…but we can’t. We try and try to conjure up the perfect words […]

via 5 Things People with Anxiety Wish You Knew — MakeItUltra™

Smooth Operator

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I’ve mentioned before that eating well, and I encourage a plant-based diet, is helpful for recovery. I’m not really a food pictures guy or a cook and I like things simple.

The other day, I shared my oatmeal breakfast recipe, the closest thing to Super Food if such a thing actually existed. Now for my typical smoothie recipe which some people have called, “earthy.” I have a smoothie like this every couple days.

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In a large blender, I include the following:

1-2 frozen banana
1.5 cups Mixed Berry Blend
1 small frozen beet
1/2 frozen avocado
1 cup frozen carrots or broccoli and carrots
1 cup mixed greens (kale, spinach, chard, and other stuff)
1tbsp Chia seeds
1tbsp Flax seeds
2tbsp Hemp seeds
Small piece of ginger

For liquid, I usually use a home made tea blend (hibiscus, white tea, green tea, red tea)  with a little bit of pomegranate juice.

This mix is usually split mostly in half and shared with my wife.

Guide for Going Back

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I found this interesting post on the Facebook page Recovering from a Relationship with a Narcissist.  The post was speaking to a partner of a narcissist but for this summary I made it generic – partner, sibling, child. I recommend you read the whole post.

HOW TO LIVE WITH A NARCISSIST…. if you decide to stay or go back

  • The narcissist won’t change. To change you need to acknowledge your issues but narcissists don’t have issues – only other people have issues.
  • Forget about trying to have boundaries. If you try to enforce your boundaries, the narcissist will pout generally make your life miserable because narcissists are all about power over you and having control. Note that the narcissist NEVER apologizes, at least not sincerely
  • You will live in a “no win” situation. Narcissists are not about “win-win” but sees the world in terms of winners and losers.
  • The narcissist will begin or continue to bad mouth/gossip about you to their friends to create “flying monkeys” – people who take their side – and destabilize your support systems/self-care/recover
  • You’ll need to develop a high tolerance for toxic behaviour AND THEN, watching the narcissist fool everyone, in public, into thinking how nice they are.

The author concluded with this: “The question we all face is whether we are up for all this. It’s important to honestly face the truth when you make a decision. When I finally did, 20 years in, and I realized the narcissist would never change, I made the decision to get out.”